Last week braces returned to our household for a second stint. I never had to endure the pain and discomfort (and in our day, ridicule) of braces but as an adult with far from perfect teeth part of me wishes that I had. Alas it’s too late, and too expensive, now! As both our kids, like absolute troopers, have navigated the braces journey it has been intriguing to me to see how far youth culture has moved in the “brief” time since I was young. Back in the day, arriving at school with a newly fitted mouthful of metal would have guaranteed a whole new world of nicknames and at least a few weeks of mockery until someone else dared to break the social norms. Thankfully it’s no longer that way. We seem to have realised the benefit of better dental practice and accepted that a little pain and a little discomfort now is a solid choice for a better future.

Strange then, at least to me, that the biggest social evil one can commit right now is to restrict our present desires, even if it is for a future gain. We hear the message screamed from every possible angle, “be true to yourself”. Don’t dare place limits or restrictions on yourself. Certainly don’t let anyone else. If it hurts, if it’s hard, if it limits you in anyway then it must be bad. Let your heart guide, it above all else knows what’s what. It is the only truth. Never mind the double standards messaging, I think it is a deeply dangerous moment we stand in. In the late 1700’s the German philosopher Immanuel Kant wrote

“When we, like animals, seek pleasure or the avoidance of pain, we aren’t really acting freely. We are acting as the slaves of our appetites and desires. Why? Because whenever we are seeking to satisfy our desires, everything we do is for the sake of some end given outside us. I go this way to assuage my hunger, that way to slake me thirst.”

Am I saying our desires and our emotions are all broken and wrong? Absolutely not. But, with Kant, I’m well aware that my heart is fickle. That many factors, every moment of every day pull my longings in conflicting directions that I have not chosen. 13-year-old me would do anything to avoid being different and in discomfort and being denied chewy sweets for months on end yet I wish some greater truth had pushed me passed my desires. Some higher end goal than momentary pleasure. And, in reality, I don’t overly care about straight teeth at 40 but years of spending time around those that society has trampled upon has taught me that my heart needs some braces.

I believe with all the power my intellect can muster that every single human being is made in the image of God. That everyone I lock eyes with (and those whose gaze I choose to avoid) is of intrinsic value and worth. That they are deeply loved by God, and they are in no way less than me. That they have, within them, the potential and capacity for great acts of creativity and love regardless of their story to this point. I believe this to be fundamentally true and yet, truth be told, my emotions aren’t always in line. My heart often disagrees.

Most weeks, at some point my paths cross with someone who is drunk or high or both. Regularly I’m in close proximity to those with acute mental health issues, who our systems are desperately failing. Often I find myself being embraced and, more often than I’d like, kissed by folks who’s current circumstances have made personal hygiene a huge challenge. I personally, or through the teams I lead, have the anger and frustrations of broken systems and a broken world poured out on us because there seems to be no one else willing to listen and in all those moments, the truth is, my heart is rarely feeling love. My first response isn’t always compassion. My desires and my emotions aren’t always telling me to lean in. To be “true to myself” on a regular basis would see me turn and walk the other way or close the door or unleash a torrent of harsh “truths”. My heart needs braces.

I need a set of truths, deeper than my desires. An end goal beyond the momentary relief of my discomfort or displeasure or despair. I need something truer than my personal “truth”. And the same can be said for the rich as the poor. My heart revolts against arrogance and self-obsession just as much as it does against hopelessness and addiction but what I’ve learnt in this journey, is that when we choose love, over time our hearts catch up. When we choose to allow something deeper than our emotions to drive our actions, like braces, those choices realign our hearts to a kingdom shape.

Many folks who years ago caused my insides to go “oh no” when they walked through the door now cause me deep sorrow when they don’t show up. I love them. More than that I like them, I feel affection towards them. Somehow we are one. Some have changed and maybe become, by the world’s standards, more loveable. Lots haven’t and it’s me and my heart that’s done the changing. Choosing love, despite how we feel, creates the context within which the stranger can become a friend. Choosing to love in spite of how we feel shapes and forms the kind of community which is deep and rich and messy and fun and chaotic and truly diverse.

Regardless of what the world might tell us, acting against our desires isn’t always bad. Choosing to live by a principle or belief beyond how we feel isn’t always dangerous or wrong. Teeth need straightened, desires need shaped, love often needs to be chosen and enacted before it is truly felt. I, for one, have a heart that is still in training and I think that’s ok.

Photo by Umanoide on Unsplash