I am not afraid! At least, I’m not afraid of covid. Having had it, being only a few days away from my second vaccine and being relatively fit, healthy and young (living in denial) catching the virus is not something I give much head space to. However, this last 18 months has seen me, and many others, give countless hours of head space and debate and planning and adjusting to the safety and protection of those in our community who are vulnerable. Those who are less young and less healthy. Those who are at significantly increased risk or those who are simply less confident of their body’s ability to fight. One of the gifts of this last season has been a stark reminder that life in community, especially the community that we call the family of God, was never meant to be a solo pursuit. It was never meant to be about how I feel, what I want, what I would prefer.

Throughout this lockdown period I have been challenged, poked, prodded, questioned and borderline attacked on a good few occasions as to why we, as followers of Jesus, are living in fear. Why wear masks? Why stop worshipping (they mean singing)? Why sit distanced? Why stop meeting as church for a time? Why trust a vaccine more than Jesus? Some have been kind and gracious, gentle and genuinely exploring and wrestling how to respond within their own hearts; to them I say thank you and your questions are always welcome. Others have been less so. I have been told with “deep certainty” that Jesus wouldn’t want it this way in his church. To them I say, firstly I love you and secondly I have some thoughts.

I am not afraid. None of what we have done and continue to do is about fear. I am wearing a mask, sitting distanced from you, avoiding a hug or a handshake, not because I am afraid but because I love you. I love you enough to do everything I can to keep you safe. I know people who have been deathly ill, I know people who have died and I don’t want that for you. I don’t want that for those who are more vulnerable than you. I love and I follow a Jesus who set aside a place in heaven to be born into vulnerability and poverty. Who laid down his reputation, his comfort and his safety to be amongst the marginalised and the maligned. Who laid down his very life to make it possible for me to enter into the life I was made for. Why would I think following him wouldn’t require some laying down? For the majority of the last 18 months we could have continued to do some things like meeting and singing without being outside of the law. No one took those things from us. We took advice and wisdom and guidance from the professionals but we took our lead, our model, our example from King Jesus.

“The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again.” (John 10:17-18)

None of this has been easy. None of this has been without frustration and wrestling and the more than occasional grump and complain at God. I love to worship corporately with singing, it’s not something I can practice with any degree of delight on my own. I love to be in full rooms with family, embracing and ministering to one another. I love to breathe mask free. I love the hustle and bustle and energy of coffee time. These aren’t easy lay-downs but I believe them to be acts of love and of mercy. My worship of Jesus is not defined by the length of time I sing per week in church. If that is all it is there is a problem. When Jesus was confronted by the all too familiar religious spirit of his day he challenged them to go and work what the Old Testament prophet Hosea meant when he declared “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” (Matt 9:13)

Sacrifice was the central pillar of Jewish liturgical worship. It was, seemingly, the non-negotiable in being right with God and yet Jesus declares that mercy towards our fellow man, a compassionate heart, a willingness to inconvenience ourselves for the sake of another, trumps going through the motions of religious observance.

Is worship unimportant then? Of course not, it is of the highest importance but what if worship was more than 20 mins of singing once a week? What if our willingness to lay down our lives, or at least to lay down our rights, in love, for the community around us counts as worship every bit as much as when we sing? None of this is about fear. None of this is about a lack of faith or trust in Jesus. We are trying, as best as we know how, and occasionally stumbling and failing and trying again, to walk in the way of Jesus. To lay down our rights, to lay down some things we love, to pick up some challenging crosses, for the sake of those around us. It will not be forever, this season will pass but whether it’s coronavirus and masks and distancing and singing or something all together different our comfort and our preferences will always be challenged in light of surrender to the way of Jesus. The culture around us will always tell us to demand our rights, to not give on the things we are entitled to but lets stop for a moment and ask who pays the cost so that I get my rights?

Someone always pays the cost and usually it is those more vulnerable than you, those with less ability to demand their rights who pay the most. What if we followed the way of Jesus? What if we sought mercy over sacrifice? What if we sought out responsibility for the other over our own rights and wants?

It’s not about fear, but it is a moment where we get to give love, some very concrete hands and feet!

Just some thoughts.

Photo by Adam Nieścioruk on Unsplash